The nazi shit - April 2, 2025
My new game is coming out pretty soon now, and I guess I would just like to get my thoughts on this stuff out there, now that my old socials with my previous posts are gone.
If you don't know, there are some accusations floating around about me promoting nazi stuff back in the day. I'd love to tell you it's all false but some of it is true, so I'll explain.
The first bit is about 'dog whistles' or hidden symbols in the original BTD Strade route [ that I made ]. The two symbols are a handkerchief with a skull print Strade wears during the low sanity ending, and a user in the chat in the same ending with the name 'woundfucker88'. I did not know these could be considered nazi symbols at the time. I just thought the handkerchief looked cool, and the '88' in the name refers to my birth year [ 1988, yes I am old ]. I was trying to make the chat user seem a bit out of touch, since that was a name format people used to use in the earliest days of instant chatting [ people used to ask A/S/L? [ age sex location ] all the time because internet safety wasn't a concern yet, and people would put their birth year in their name to save time ]. I am obviously not going to include these things in the new game, now that I do know. I can't exactly prove that I was ignorant back then, but that's the truth.
The other thing is a drawing of Strade in a nazi uniform. I did draw that, and I did know what I was drawing. It was some time around 2015 or early 2016, a bit before the original BTD came out, when I used to take anonymous drawing requests. I got a request to draw it, and I chose to draw it.
I did it because I wanted attention for 'breaking the rules'. I also wanted to impress the shittiest friend I ever had, who was really into nazi stuff [ or maybe just into anything that could start an argument for attention ]. If that sounds pathetic, you're right. I was more pathetic and cowardly than you'll ever know. I wish I hadn't done it. It's humiliating and shameful, like so much of what I used to do back then.
I can't take it back, and I can't make people stop sharing the picture. But I can at least say that I never supported or idolized nazis and I never will. I consider them to be as pathetic and cowardly as I used to be. Fuck nazis and fuck fascists. If on the off chance you are disappointed to hear me say this, then let me give you some relationship advice I learned the hard way:
If you think some rich and powerful daddy is going to fix everything and save you, why does he keep asking for money? Why does he make you do his dirty work?
Piracy and Leaks - March 23, 2025
I noticed that the example video on my latest Patreon update has been widely leaked [ nothing really new here, my Patreon posts have been getting leaked the whole time ] and I just wanted to say: I'm glad you guys are excited for my work! I hope you like the new game when it comes out. I'm working as hard as I can on it.
I'm not upset about the leaks, I'm used to it and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I know people are just excited and I'm flattered.
I also know that people are going to pirate my game when it comes out. That's okay too. I know times are hard and not everyone can afford it. You don't have to feel guilty about it because I don't mind. I have enough support from people to be able to keep making games and that's all I need; I can figure the rest out myself. Just wait til you're 18 okay? That's all I ask.
Canadian Election - March 21, 2025
This post is for my fellow Canadians. As you may or may not know, the Liberal Party of Canada who is currently in control of the government is planning to call an election, which we may have to vote in as early as April 28th.
The reason that an election is being called early is because the previous head of the Liberal Party [ Justin Trudeau ] has stepped down as the head of the party [ and by default, the Prime Minister of Canada since his party is currently in power ] and the party has had to appoint a new head/Prime Minister [ Mark Carney ]- and while we in Canada do not vote for Prime Ministers, we vote for political parties, many may feel that this change in leadership should be accompanied by the voice of the people [ a vote ].
I don't generally like to use my voice online for politics, as I think it's a fairly personal matter and the resulting conversation is, in my opinion, often cacophonous and repugnant. However, these are increasingly dire times and I am compelled to voice at least a plea for my own ability to continue my work.
I will be direct and brief. Please do not vote for the Conservative Party of Canada if you want to protect my ability to make my games.
I remind you, desperately, that I am an unmarried woman who owns her own business and makes pornographic content aimed at women*. I am using hard won rights that women have hardly seen in history and that many women do not have throughout the globe right now. My position is terrifyingly delicate.
I believe that every other major political party of Canada will continue to protect my rights- except for the Conservative Party.
There are of course many other factors at play, like protection against US threats of invasion, which of course also threatens my work, but in general I beg you to be informed. I beg you to vote. I beg you to keep the Conservative Party out of power.
*I fully understand that many fans and consumers of my work are not women, this is just a generalization for the purpose of making my point concisely.
Good news! - March 10, 2025
I can purchase shipping labels to Poland! I recently re-tested the problem by opening it up in my store settings and seeing if I could actually purchase a label. I got an order from Poland, and for the first time I didn't have to refund them- I was able to complete the order!
Unfortunately I do have to warn that the price for the label was a bit high [ 26.60CAD / 71.41PLY as of March 10th 2025 ] for a pillowcase/dakimakura package [ it should be less for a keychain order since those are smaller but I only have a single order to look at for data right now ]
I assure you and everyone else that I am not charging a single cent extra for shipping, I use calculated shipping on Etsy which tells customers the exact price Canada Post will charge me. Canada has some of the highest shipping costs in the world because we are a very large country with a relatively small population- the cost of delivering all over the country is placed on too few shoulders. It is unfortunate, but I am committed to keeping my store open regardless.
Anyway, my shop and my products should now be available to Poland. I'm very happy to be able to extend more of my business to my friends in Europe!
US tariffs on Canada hit today - March 4, 2025
I have good news and bad news! [ As usual, this generally only concerns my US customers ]
The US-Canada trade war is heating up and the US has imposed its 25% tariffs on Canada, starting today. [ That's the bad news ]
Good news is that the de minimis exemption hasn't been touched yet. That means that any order under $800 won't be affected by the new tariffs. So, for the time being, my US customers should not notice a change or any new charges being applied to them once they receive their packages.
I would LOVE for this to be my last update about Canada-US trade policy, but I will of course keep you guys updated.
In the meantime, step away from news when you need to [ you cannot fight without rest ], Find joy wherever you can [ hopelessness is their tool, not ours ], and remember that you are not alone.
Fascism and demagoguery are old diseases. We're coming up with new cures all the time.
The truth is immutable and verifiable - February 23, 2025
Don't fall into despair. Keep your head up and don't stop looking for the truth.
Beware social media, comments sections, and especially algorithms. Be careful of any content you didn't specifically seek.
"Every source lies" "Both sides are corrupt" "Everyone is out to get you" - These narratives certainly benefit anyone who would want eyes off the truth, don't they?
Find sources you can trust. Speak more with your friends and family. Speak more with people in real life. Lies have lifespans, the truth does not.
Hang in there. There is so much more love and decency in this world than liars would have you believe.
Mail appears to be okay for now - February 22, 2025
I've gotten some feedback now from recent customers in the USA and I can say pretty confidently now that people are not experiencing tariffs on their orders yet. The only issue right now is that mail service is still a bit slow. Canada Post is still limping a bit. The emails I've been getting to my business account with them tell me that they're taking part in a lot of mediated talks and looking for ways to reform. I'm hoping they find a good solution eventually!
In other news, I've still been working full time on the next game [ YKMET:Strade ]. The gameplay and art are all finished, and now I'm working on the music. I'm a beginner at making music so it's a bit rocky, but I promise I'm trying my hardest! I do think it's going well though. I'm very confident that I will be able to create the soundtrack now, as I've already made several gameplay loops and songs.
After the audio work is done, I still need to program a couple things in the framework [ nothing major, probably 2 weeks of work ], do the closed Beta testing [ 1 month ], and create the bonus content [ like memelord mode ]. So I still anticipate the final release to be late spring or early summer.
I'll keep you all posted!
Thank You! - February 14, 2025
I just wanted to thank everyone for spreading out their orders for me after I opened my store. It's really made my operations smoother and easier! And of course, thank you so much for your business!
Customers in the USA: It's getting to be around time for my earliest orders to start arriving [ hopefully ], and I am honestly not very sure what you should expect. I'll explain as much as I know.
The USA government has recently changed hands and there have been massive changes to trade rules with no warning or time to draw up actual documentation. Tariffs on Canadian imports to the USA are changing basically daily with no real rhyme or reason, so I can't give you accurate information about those. At the time of writing this, I believe a 25% tariff on all goods was originally threatened for February 1st, but has now been postponed to March 1st. I do not know if the blanket tariff will be implemented [ I don't think anyone does ]. More specific materials have been given new tariffs, but I believe that my keychains and pillowcases do not yet fall under those categories.
There is also a separate change to consider. The new USA government has reduced the $800 de minimis exemption to $0. The de minimis exemption is the value of goods that can cross the border into the USA without having to pay customs fees. Tariffs are a customs fee, but there are other customs fees as well. I don't know what the USA's customs fees [ besides tariffs ] are, because in the past I've never sent anything worth over $800.
What does all of this mean? Here's the TLDR: If you are in the USA and you are about to receive a package from me, you might be charged extra. I have no idea how much or if at all, because of the details I listed above. If you are charged, please know that this is not me charging you. Those fees will be your government charging you for importing goods into the USA. It is meant as a light punishment, or discouragement, for ordering things that were not made in the USA.
I wish I could give you better information, but as far as I know, nobody actually knows what's going on. So I am simply forced to fuck around and find out when it comes to my small business.
Be well and stay safe!
Move Complete, Store Reopening - February 4, 2025
I've finally finished moving to a new location which has a whole room I can store merch in. This means that I'll hopefully be able to expand my store with more new merch after I publish YKMET! [ As long as mail and commercial trade remain viable... ]
Anyways, now that I'm settled, I can reopen my store. I will be opening it this Thursday [ Feb 6 ]. If you can help it though, please wait a few days before ordering! Whenever there's a rush of a bunch of orders it's hard for me to keep up and it eats into my game development time. I promise there's lots of everything left!
Thank you all so much for your patience!
Blue Monday - January 20, 2025
Hello folks! Today is Blue Monday. This is statistically the most depressed day of the year, or in other words, the most difficult for mental health on average.
Normally, this day is difficult because it's cold and dark in the northern hemisphere, the holidays are long over, and it's about the time that most people give up on their new year's resolution and run low on money.
This year, I think, brings even more challenges to the table. Wealth inequality has reared its ugly head and stepped out of subtlety. Climate change has entered the 'find out' phase. It's easy to feel hopeless.
But that's what my Blue Monday posts are for. It's time for a little bit of hope. I've drawn some things to hopefully bring a little cheer into this dark time.
I also want to talk a little bit about hope. Since I've quit social media, I've had more time to pay attention to things and learn about what's going on in the world. Don't worry, this isn't where I list the horrors. Instead, I want to talk about patterns.
The first pattern I want to talk about is kindness. I've recently noticed a lot more people talking about empathy, and by 'empathy' I think they tend to mean the acts of compassion that people show to each other. Giving a helping hand, a kind word, or the benefit of the doubt. I've noticed people talking about these phenomena like they're a video game stat that some people have more than others. But that simply isn't true- Kindness is fluid. It changes inside of us from one moment to another. The thing that diminishes it the most effectively is fear. This is important.
The second pattern is problem-solving. We are a species that excels at problem solving like nothing else in our history. And IN our history, you can see it. Tyrants and megalomania are not new, and we continue to find new ways to solve these problems. We are wealthy with information now, more than we ever dreamed of. We are actually solving problems, incredible problems, as we speak. We are solving ecological issues and curing diseases. We are finding ways to connect people. This is all happening right under our noses, just beneath the noise.
Lastly, I want to talk about the pattern of distraction. Throughout our history, you can see many examples of greed and ambition using hate as a tool to control people. Why? Because people are fundamentally kind. You have to diminish their empathy, their kindness, with fear- to get them to permit the atrocities only greed and ambition would aim for. I've fallen for it myself. I found myself cursing and hating regular human people who have simply been lied to. And I can speak from experience when I say hate made me close my eyes and narrow my vision so I forget to look for connections.
I guess what I'm trying to say with all of this is: keep your wits about you. There are strong powers at play now who want nothing more than for you to stay trapped on your phone, cursing and hating, so that you never look outside. If you take care of yourself and find joy, find a sense of calm, you may be shocked at the power of connection and what we can all accomplish if we work together. There is hope. I am sure of it.